when the what ifs take over your now-
more often than not i find myself stuck in an unrealistic reality; faced with the “what’s currently happening” phase and the “ah, imagine if..” counterpart. i’ve always found myself stuck in all these imaginary dreams that i hold tightly in my “i can do anything and anything can happen” pocket in my brain while i’m always conflicted with the reality of the now.
what happens when you get stuck living in the “what could happen” as oppose to what you’re facing now? what happens when you get so wrapped up in all the possibilities that you forget to deal with and be excited over the now?
the weirdest tension.
i’ll be honest and tell you i’ve passed up pretty incredible opportunities because i “feel like there’s going to be something better”. but i’ve also taken opportunities because “maybe there isn’t anything better”.
i imagine more situations than i probably should because of one word, “IMAGINE?”. i believe that anything and everything is possible because of that one word, but i also second guess more because of the what if’s.
i scare myself out of things because i’m nervous of the things that might happen. i doubt my capabilities because of the “well, there’s someone out there that is better. funnier. nicer. kinder. more loving. more creative.”
i lose myself in moments because i’m “too busy caught up in the what ifs of ten minutes from now, tomorrow, or two years”, but i also find clinging to possibilities, dreams, and the plans of the hope for a brighter tomorrow.
i find myself in the hopeful and the hopeless, the dreams turned reality and the slightly cracked, broken window kinda dreams. i find myself digging for answers in solid pavement when i should be in the garden, and asking questions when i already know the answer. i find myself questioning God’s plans just because i’m too stubborn to admit that i actually can’t do things on my own, and i lack trust somedays because “if i can’t do it, who can?”
whatever you’re dealing with now, possibilities, hurt, lies, dreams bigger than you (and what could seem like bigger ones than God’s planned for your life), i promise you that if you focus on your present condition knowing that life is a process, things will get better.
you work and you heal.
you break and you mend.
your life was meant for more.
: what my friday nights consist of- trying out my wood burner!
embracing your flaws + admitting you’re human-
last night i was having a conversation with a good friend and we ended up talking about a “power couple” who are starting to take my IG feed, twitter feed, and the blog world by storm.
their pictures are always perfect and with words so genuine of how much they love each other, we got talking about how fake they seemed.
we ended up talking about how in the real world context, relationships aren’t as perfect as all those IG pictures seem, and neither are people.
at what point do we stop trying to obtain the idea of perfect and just be happy with ourselves, embrace our flaws, and admit we’re human?
every single day is full of these tiny little surprises. surprises that could make us extremely happy, sad, angry, upset. and the beauty of that? we’re allowed to feel those things. we’re allowed to embrace the emotions that we feel. we’re always allowed to feel what we’re feeling.
the idea of trying to portray that we’re perfect seems like a waste of time to me. if we’re constantly believing that we’re perfect + lead the perfect life, what happens when you realize you’re not? what happens when the little girl comes up to you saying that she “wants to be like you when she grows up” and then a year later she notices that you aren’t as perfect as she thought you were?
it’s annoying that we as living, breathing, human beings have placed an unspoken expectation on each other that screams, “have it all together”.
is it okay to open up? is it okay to tell someone that you had a bad day or that you “can’t even deal” right now?
are you scared that people aren’t going to think you’re perfect?
when God just doesn’t understand-
there are more moments than i’d like to admit where i’ve felt defeated, tired, or just ready to give up. there’s been moments of confusion, doubt, and uncertainty. i’ve been placed in situations that seem way bigger than they actually are in the big grand scheme of things. those are the moments where i just want to say God doesn’t understand.
time and time again i’ve seen God’s handiwork. in mexico, on tour, in a church, on the streets, in the grocery story, in the little cafe down the street and in my home. i’ve seen God continue to bring me out of terrible situations only to reward me with another challenge to get me to appreciate the little things He does for me.
often i question if God actually knows what I’m going through. i know it’s silly, and i know that He cares and would never abandon me, but do you ever feel like He does?
those are the moments that you need to trust He’s placed you on the sidelines so He can be on the front lines for you.
it’s like a football game. there’s moments when you’re on the field and your coach is on the sidelines either cheering you on or trying to yell at you with where you should go or what you should do next.
but, there’s other times where maybe your coach is on the field demonstrating while you’re on the sidelines watching, learning, observing.
sometimes in life you may feel like God just “doesn’t understand” when in actuality you’re the one on the sideline forgetting to watch or hear what you’re supposed to do because you’re caught up in the fact you’re not playing.
you need to know that God is with you, that he loves you, and that he’s not done coaching you. He does in fact understand what you’re going through and he’s walking alongside you; rooting you on.
your struggle is real. whatever you’re going through matters. know that you’re not alone. know that you haven’t been given up on.
: part of last nights late night writing sesh.